Time: 9:57 AM
Date: June 14th
The time had finally came. It was time for the ladyboy show to start. This had been the moment I've been waiting for forever. Whenever I think of Thailand, this is the first thing I think about. It was finally time to get a taste of the most fascinating part of Thai culture.
Then, it hit me. I started getting hot, my legs felt like jelly and the room started spinning. I knew I was about to faint. The first thing I did was go to the restroom. My stomach had been hurting like a bit, so I figured maybe I just needed to poop. Nothing came out and I was still dizzy. Maybe I was dehydrated. I went to go get water only to have them tell me I had to pay and I had no money. I went to find my family in the audience and that's when I started having a panic attack. My voice started shaking and I knew it was a matter of time before I would faint. My mom led me to the bathroom again. Still nothing. I got out and we walked outside to get fresh air. I laid down on a bench while my mom tried calling the tour guides, while I kept on repeating that I needed to go to the hospital. I was dizzy, hot, tired, weak, and terrified. Here I am, in a completely foreign country, about to faint from who knows what. Most people don't know english and I didn't know thai. If something was seriously wrong, what could I do? Laying on the park bench, halfway concious, I started talking to god.
"Hey God... Uh, It's me Johnny. So, I know I always told you that I'd be ready for you to take me when the time was right, but I still think I need more time. I'm not ready to go. I mean, I'm in a different country and all. How would my friends find out? They're not even expecting me to be back until July and I don't think my family could handle this right now. And I need to go to Emory! All that stress and anxiety, I don't think this should be my time. But it's all up to you. I'm scared, but whatever you think is right is right. If it's my time to go, then I'll go."
It may seem overdramatic, but I don't think anyone can truly understand how horrifying it felt. To be sick and not know why in a country where people can barely understand you. To not know where a hospital is or to even be able to tell someone what was wrong. Honestly and truly, I felt that at that point, I would die. And that's not something that you come to a conclusion about easily. And throughout all of this, the only thing I could think about was James. I knew that if the worst possible thing happened, that at least I would be able to see him again. And as terrified as I was, this thought gave me strength and calmed me down. Whatever happened happened, and whether I got better or worst, I would end up happy either way.
That's when I started sobbing like crazy, as I thought about James and how scared I was about what would happened. I ended up getting some medicine from my tour guide who went to a pharmacy and taking a taxi back to the hotel where I relaxed. The remaining two days consisted of me waving in and out of feeling faint and having horrible stomach pain. The fainting could be because I wasn't eating enough, or drinking enough water or just not getting enough sleep even though I thought I was doing all of those things. Everyone said the stomach problems were because I didn't digest properly because I wasn't used to the food there or maybe it was because I was constipated. Either way, I do feel better than I did when I started getting sick, but I'm still not all the wa fine. With two more tours left, I hope it doesn't get that bad again.
As for the rest of the Thailand tour, it was pretty fun. Thailand is a beautiful country that reminded me a lot like America, minus all the Asian-y stuff about it. The most memorable moments were when I rode an elephant at some show and got picked up by it's trunk, when we went to the beach and took a speed boat to a platform where I parasailed around and then took the speed boat to a little area and just chilled at the beach, when I saw that AMAZING show the first day we were there, and just being able to walk around the malls and outside and seeing how similar and different America was to Thailand. I had the most AMAZING tour group and it feels weird waking up and not seeing them after spending all this time together. Everyone and everything will truly be missed (minus the sick parts) and I had a great time. With that being said, I am ready to be back in America, but I still have a ways to go.
And dear ladyboy show, it was evident that it was not my time to go see you this time, but believe me when I say, I'll be back.
Sawasdee Thailand
xxxjohnny.
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